Stevie --

Here's the thing I was talking about:

--- Bob Baird

> My favorite -- #24

> Things My Math Teacher Did Last Year:

> a.. 1. Forgot how to find the slope of a

> line.

> b.. 2. Tried to express the difference

> between ( 2 Sin x) and ( 5 Sin x) by yelling

> out what they would sound like if you turned

> them into sounds.

> c.. 3. Pointed the overhead projector out the

> window instead of at the screen.

> d.. 4. Taught us the difference between

> vertical and horizontal.

> e.. 5. Took a little bit too long to reduce

> 36/108 to 4/12, and just as long to reduce that

> to 1/3.

> f.. 6. Made sure that we were fully aware

> that Moses descended from the mountains with

> the Ten Commandments and not with the knowledge

> of how to determine square roots.

> g.. 7. Brought a rope to class and tried to

> hold it up to demonstrate different graphs

> rather then drawing them on the board.

> Complications arose when she realized that she

> only had two hands.

> h.. 8. When a student asked, "Can I ask you a

> question?" she cleverly replied, "You just

> did!" Needless to say, no one thought that was

> very funny.

> i.. 9. Taught us that a good way to remember

> what an exponent is is to remember that is has

> the letter "x" in it. That was the only

> explanation she gave.

> j.. 10. Told us that she offers extra credit

> points for every time you tell her about an

> "interesting" mistake you made on your

> homework. She also grants extra credit for not

> knowing how to do a problem and asking her how

> to do it. Since these assignments are not

> turned in, you are rewarded absolutely no

> points for knowing how to do all the problems

> and doing them all correctly.

> k.. 11. This extra credit is added up when,

> at the end of class, she passes around a piece

> of paper and you write down your name and how

> many extra credit points you earned that day.

> l.. 12. One assignment each week is actually

> handed in for credit. I answered three out of

> the five problems incorrect but still managed

> to receive 9.5 points out of a possible 10.

> m.. 13. She explained 1-dimensional,

> 2-dimensional, and 3-dimensional objects. She

> then portrayed what a 2 1/2-dimensional object

> was by violently wadding up a piece of paper

> into a ball and holding it out to us. She later

> realized that she needed that piece of paper to

> make copies of the homework assignment for the

> class.

> n.. 14. The only reason she was talking about

> 2 1/2-dimensional objects in the first place

> was because she thought 1 + 1/2 + 1/2 = 2 1/2.

> o.. 15. Told us that as the year went on,

> we'd be learning more things about math.

> p.. 16. After she illustrated the difference

> between f(x) = sin x and f(x) = x^2, she

> advised us to just sit back for a minute and

> take it all in. So we did.

> q.. 17. Admitted that half the math problems

> out there are just impossible.

> r.. 18. Since homework is due not at class

> time but at midnight, there is good reason to

> believe that she lives in her office.

> s.. 19. Admitted that she doesn't have enough

> brain cells to know what pi is.

> t.. 20. Used her superior math skills to

> estimate that the answer to one problem was

> somewhere in between 100 and 1,000.

> u.. 21. Advised us to never ever graph (-3)^x

> because the result would be way too weird for

> us to handle.

> v.. 22. Had the ingenious idea to combine

> math and gym class, which she demonstrated by

> moving her arms around frantically so that they

> looked like certain graphs. No one else did it.

>

> w.. 23. The number 3 reminds her of an

> accordion.

> x.. 24. Said that math is an escape from the

> real world and those who do math cannot deal

> with reality.

> y.. 25. One of the problems on a past

> assignment asked us to write an equation that

> when graphed, would show the emotional ups and

> downs of a friend.

> z.. 26. Said that she might have invented the

> distributive property, but she wasn't really

> sure.

> aa.. 27. Some students lost points on their

> homework assignment for using logarithms to

> solve certain problems because she had not

> taught us that method yet. Other methods, such

> as guessing, were accepted.

> ab.. 28. Taught us various ways to use our

> calculators to cheat on the test.

> ac.. 29. Determined that 2000/400 was

> "probably" 5.

> ad.. 30. A student raised their hand in class

> and the teacher called on her by saying, "I

> have no idea why, but I am so determined to

> call you Sarah right now." The student

> responded by saying, "Probably because that's

> my name."

> ae.. 31. Admitted that she spent a lot of her

> childhood hanging on to an electric fence for

> as long as she could.

> af.. 32. When the word asymptote comes up,

> she is the one who is quick to point out that

> it starts with "ass".

> ag.. 33. Asked us, "What's the graph look

> like for this equation?" When no one said

> anything, she just started dancing around for

> some reason.

> ah.. 34. She showed up for class one day and

> the lights were off. She said, "No wonder you

> guys are always in the dark." I knew it was

> going to be a bad day.

> ai.. 35. Said that if we didn't like the

> grade we got on the test, we could just make

> our own test and do that one instead.

> aj.. 36. Informed us that while driving, we'd

> still have to depress the accelerator if we

> wanted to keep moving at a uniform speed.

> Apparently it isn't just for accelerating.

> ak.. 37. Has the amazing ability to somehow

> associate any math problem with the time she

> went to Australia.

> al.. 38. Direct Quote: "The facts of life is

> this is a parabola." I have no idea what she

> could have possibly meant by that.

> am.. 39. Showed her mastery of the English

> language by successfully using the word

> "maximumly" in a sentence.

> an.. 40. Told us that it's possible for a

> math problem to be its own grandma.

> ao.. 41. Asked us if we were surprised when

> 1/2 X 40 ended up being 20.

> ap.. 42. A student messed up on a problem and

> told the teacher what she had done. The teacher

> got all excited and said, "Oh, I like that!"

> aq.. 43. Said that Tuesday seemed like a

> "bizillion" years ago.

> ar.. 44. Told us that although we understood

> the problem, we'd probably get all confused

> again once we were further away from her aura.

> as.. 45. Said that doing integrals is like

> driving with a clutch; in that you don't know

> how it works but you do it anyways.

> at.. 46. She's a retired high school math

> teacher.

> au.. 47. When one student raised both their

> arms above their head to stretch, she asked the

> student if he had two questions.

>

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